Duckfighter Illustrated pre-season spectacular

DUCKFIGHTERILLUSTRATED

BACK BY UNPOPULAR DEMAND

GREEN ISSUE - ALL BITS ARE RECYCLED FROM PAST YEARS

BECAUSE WE WERE 7-6

NOT AS GOOD AS YOU THINK

SEASON ENDS AGAINST RUTGERS THIS WEEK IN NEW JERSEY

DOZENS TO WATCH ON LARRY SCOTT'S INNOVATIVE NETWORK

 

ROLL DAMN TIDE

Billy Bob Joe Don "Red" Neck

Nick Saban is once again firmly on the hot seat as he tries to go back to back once again and win his 5th ring. My sources indicate that weary boosters are ready to back up the Brink's truck to get Urban Meyer back in the SEC as head Bama coach if Saban fails.

Fans are still stinging over the playoff loss to Ohio State two years ago and still upset at how close Clemson kept last year's title game.

"Goddam sumbitch better do sumthin this year or thats it" said noted booster and chicken feed billionaire Joe Don Billy Bob Bob.

Thankfully the Tide get to ease into the season with a warm up game over a Pac 12 patsy in Jerry World in a game that will be watched by millions because the SEC doesn't have a fucking retard for a commissioner.

Bama - 63, USC - 21

Long Trip to Jersey for our DAWGS

Race Bannon

Faced with a three thousand mile road trip and an 8AM Pacific kick off the Huskies might as well not even play the game.

I asked Head Coach Chris Petersen for his thoughts on the daunting task and he told me:

 "Why don't you get the FUCK out of my office, Race?"

Washington intends to keep sending a scared little girl out to play quarterback and will continue to ignore the Mighty Mite running back who goes by the name of Gaskin, thanks for askin.

The Huskies finally hired Jeff Tedford, a mere 14 years too late. The Huskies kept Jonathon Smith for a third year, a mere three years too long. People forget that Smith became famous as a quarterback for LOSING to Washington.

This game will not be televised unless you are in China.

Rutgers 38, UW 13

This and that and that and this

Texas A&M tries to save the job of Black Sark (ISAFNRC) with a big win over UCLA and recently divorced Jim Mora. Mora would already have been fired at a football school but appears safe at UCLA...Stanford opens its defense of the WAC title with a tilt against Kanasa State JC and Bill Snyder's collection of 28 year old parolees. Hopefully a lot of knees get snapped and bones get broken because it doesn't make you a bad person...Oklahoma plays Houston...Auburn plays Climpson...just a couple of the great games you can watch this weekend without traveling to FUCKING CHINA

 

FUNDRAISING APPEAL

I have personally funded this magazine since 1999 at a cost of thousands of dollars. Time for Race to get paid, bitch. Pony up.

 

Thank you for reading.